Arena:Jester

A Jester

Jesters, with their signature costumes and juggling balls, may appear in the middle of cities, usually in or near a palace where they perform for the local ruler. Jesters offer the common dialogue on directions and rumors as well as some special greetings and unique jokes not used by any other NPC.

Greetings

First Encounter

• "Me? I'm [NPC Name], but I have to tell you something. [Joke] Bet you haven't heard that one yet."

• "Hello, I'm [NPC Name], but then again, ultimately, aren't we all? What can I do for you?"

• "Yello, I'm Horny. Whoops, I mean, I'm Randy. No seriously, I'm [NPC Name]. You can see how I got it confused. What can I do for you, my sweet [PC race]? By the way, [Joke]"

• "Good day, I'm [NPC Name], and if you think you've got problems, listen to this. [Joke] Now, what's thy story?"

• "You don't remember me? [NPC Name]? Well, you were pretty drunk at the time. Anyhow, you'll be happy to know the baby isn't yours. Stop me if you've heard this. [Joke]"

Further Encounters

• "You're [NPC Name] the Fool, right? No, wait a minute, that's me. I'm terrible at names."

• "I remember you! Don't tell me you forgot [NPC Name] the Jester. Woe is me. [Joke]."

• "Who are you? Who are you? That's all I ever hear from you! I'm [NPC Name] the Fool. Remember it next time. Sheesh."

• "I memorized your name when we met before, but I threw my head away. I'm [NPC Name] the Jester. [Joke]."

• "Wanna hear a joke? no? Too bad... [Joke]"

• "Have you heard this one before? [Joke]"

• "You talk to me, play with my affections, then the next minute, it's 'Who are you?' Well, [PC race], I may be thy old buddy [NPC Name] the Jester, or I might be the [Ruler's Title] of [Settlement name]."

Jokes

The many, rather inflammatory jokes a Jester may greet you with are:

• "Why did the [PC race] put the letters 'T.G.I.F.' on his boots? To remind himself - Toes Go In First!"

• "Most [PC race] family trees don't fork!"

• "What do a [PC race] and a bottle of port have in common? They're both empty from the neck up!"

• "You know, you might be a [PC race] if you have grease under your toenails"

• "How do you get a [PC race]'s eyes to sparkle? Put a torch in his ear!"

• "You know, you might be a [PC race] if it's impossible to see food stains on your armor"

• "What did the [PC race] girl say after someone blew in her ear? 'Thanks for the refill!'"

• "What do you call a [PC race] with half a brain? Gifted!"

• "Why do [PC race] women wear undergarments? To keep their ankles warm!"

• "How do you make a [PC race] laugh on Morndas? Tell him a joke on Fredas!"

• "You know, it only takes one drink to get a [PC race] drunk. I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."

• "What do you call a basement with more than one [PC race]? A WHINE cellar!"

• "Over at the [Location], spitting will cost you a copper piece. But you can throw up for free!"

• "What do a smart [PC race] and an orcoblin have in common? They're both extinct!"

• "You know, lots of people say that [PC race] kids procrastinate too much. Well, just you wait."

• "What is a [PC race] doing when he holds his hands tight over his ears? Trying to hold a thought!"

• "How can you tell if a [PC race] is lying? His lips are moving!"

• "What do you say to a [PC race] woman to convince her to go to bed with you? Have another ale!"

• "Why is it [Settlement name] has the most [PC race] adventurers, and [Rival Settlement name] has the most goblins? [Rival Settlement name] had the first choice!"

• "What is the first thing a [PC race] woman does in the morning? Walk home!"

• "Did you hear there are a couple dyslexics at the [Temple name]? They're always arguing about the existence of Dog."

• "What did the [PC race] woman say after she was told she was pregnant? 'Is it mine?'!"

• "What a [PC race] lacks in intelligence, he makes up for in stupidity."

• "I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I will happily eat a politician or a [PC race]."